A Work In Progress

"This life therefore, 

is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, 

not health but getting well, 

not being but becoming, 

not rest but exercise. 

We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. 

At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." 

--Martin Luther

If You Want To Be Somone Else, Change Your Mind

There is a great, I mean great song by Sister Hazel called "Change Your Mind."

The chorus offers these magnificent lyrics to the listener:

If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...

And so, recently, I've been doing some mind-changing.  And I think it's changing my life.

Two things are helping me in my cause.  Actually, I should say, two people.

The first is Dave Ramsey.  Apparently lots of people know about this guy, but I just recently heard about him for the first time.  I've got my hands on a copy of his "Financial Peace University" lectures, and it's just possible that he is completely changing the way I think about the way I spend and save money.  Just by listening to him, I feel like I might be able to have a little more control over my finances if I wake up, pay attention, and DO what he is telling me to do.  (Wake up, woman!  This is YOUR life!!)

The second is my Grandma.  She's 95.  One of my heroes, because she is so sharp, so clever, so organized.  AND she drinks bourbon at 4pm every day.  Brilliant.  She possesses lots of qualities I'd like to have, but don't ever seem to be able to acquire. 

Recently, she was going through some jewelry and tried a bracelet on my wrist.  When it didn't fit around my wrist, I said to her "I have really big wrists."  (That is actually true.  I've never been dainty.  And it's not like fat really collects at the wrists.)  At this moment, she stopped, looked up from the bracelet right into my eyes and said without flinching, "You Need To Lose Weight."  "I know," I said, cheeks red, heartbeat quickening.  And then as suddenly as she said it, she went back to the jewelry.  The moment was over.  I wanted to cry.  Run out of the house and not come back.  Get out of there before tears bubbled up.  But I took a deep breath, had a little moment while she looked through the jewelry and went on.  It was a horrible, horrible moment.  I was angry at her, then angry at myself, then angry at her again.  That cycle continued for....oh wait....I don't think it's done yet.

And so, on return from the vacation that included the visit to her, I started to get serious.  The C25K running began again in earnest.  Fruits and vegetables were purchased at the grocery store.  The remaining oreos that were purchased for my husband's class at the beginning of the week are, miraculously, still in the cabinet.

I'm starting to change my mind.  I'm starting to think about taking care of myself.  For the sake of a daughter who needs a good example.  For the sake of my Grandma who dared to tell me the truth.  For the sake of me, who needs to be healthier and needs to wake up, take control, and change my mind.

Disney sponsors a Princess Half Marathon in February.  It might be the perfect excuse for a winter getaway. 

Maybe even bigger changes are just around the corner.

One step at a time.

Okay. Break's Over.

It all started a few weeks ago.  I came downstairs to find that the washing machine had been agitating for over an hour while my daughter was going to sleep.  (Scratch that....while my daughter was not going to sleep.)  The timer was just sitting there at the same place it had been when I had started the machine.  "Hm.  Weird," I thought.  The next morning, the next load, same business.  I had to gently nudge the machine to do its appointed task every 15 minutes or so.  If not reminded to stop, it would keep spinning and spinning and spinning for lengthy periods of time.  A call to the local appliance place gave us the sad news that this would be at least a $200 repair. 

So that turned into appliance shopping.  Another few days of researching, shopping, asking around for recommendations.  Two nights before they delivered the flashy new washer (and dryer....thanks to my Grandma's recommendation), I realized how much work it was to unload everything out of that tiny room.  And then I remembered the overwhelmingly deep desire to paint it only moments after beholding its formerly stenciled glory. 

Quickly, a gallon of paint was purchased.  A friend was called.  Late night hours were kept.  All in an attempt to get at least the corner painted where the machines would be.  Everything else could wait until after the delivery.  And did.

Being the mother of a toddler means that big projects such as these only get accomplished during the two hour window between her bedtime and mine.  And for at least a week, she did not cooperate on her end of this.  So the painting took longer than expected and was only completed by a dear friend who knew what he was doing and took matters into his own hands.

And then it was time to hit the road for vacation.  10 days.  One vehicle.  Two suitcases.  One gigantic box of snacks for the road.  One toddler who graciously took up as little room as possible to make up for all of the stuff that was required to travel with her in the first place.  Countless tote bags.  Countless tote bags.  (God bless you, sweet husband.  You're a patient man, and the best packer I've ever met.)  Three people visiting family and friends alike.  

All this to say that since the day that the washing machine kept on agitating, there has been no blogging.  No plumbing the depths of my emotions to figure out how to clean out my messy life. 
Lots has happened in that time.  Lots of new stuff has now been imported back to our little yellow house in the woods and so the boxes have, once again, grown, much to my chagrin. 

But I am renewed, refreshed, and ready to begin again.  As all journeys go, this one has had a bit of a setback.  But tomorrow is a new day, and I have big plans.  Bigger than what I've ever been able to accomplish before.  Break's over.  Time to get back at it.